smell my finger.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
