i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
