Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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