I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
