There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
