she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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