I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
