Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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