I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
