Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
