it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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