Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
