This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
