we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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