I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
