I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
