For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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