What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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