I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize