It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
