I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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