I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
