Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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