Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
