You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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