I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
