My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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