All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
