We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
