either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
