Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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