New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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