Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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