those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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