I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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