Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
