dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
