I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
