At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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