What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can Purell be used as lube?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
