WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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