Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
