They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just gift wrapped bread.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
