His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They took my balls.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
