i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
