Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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