i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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