I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
