The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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