I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
