...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
